The Football War - A Teaser

Tegucigalpa 1969

The earth around Central America shook with rigor. In a usual scenario, it would be an earth quake causing it; however the summer of 69 had something more intense and resonating. The 1970 world cup qualifiers had reached the final summit. Honduras had to play El Salvador in a 3 match show down to decide who would get a ticket to Mexico. But the game was hardly a game.
Countries have been torn apart, bodies have been scattered, but sport has been a nurse. It has been a soothing balm to heal the wounds caused due to war between two nations, but the world would witness unprecedented scenes. Sport wasn’t the balm, it wasn’t the salt added to the wound. It would be the wound.

The football war is a story about 2 nations whose relations were terribly strained, El Salvador and Honduras and the events surrounding the grudge matches between them which eventually led to War between the 2 countries.

Baby's Day Out

Welcome to “Pyorrhea tooth powder, Itch guard, Vaseline” Baby’s day out season no XXII.
We will meet you after a short break. Don’t go away. There is plenty of action on the other side of the break.
On the other side:
Last week, we saw baby Aakash being eliminated in a grueling round which decided the last four.
Let us have a look at the recap of last week’s recap.

Last week:
“Come on Abhinav! You can do it! “ The anchor was ecstatic. No one had ever done this task before.
Everyone waited with bated breath. The entire nation was rooting for Abhinav. Indian television was on the verge of witnessing history being made.” One step for Abhinav is a giant step for the television industry”, quipped some idiot sitting amongst bunch of jobless morons on the isles.
“He did it! He finished the task in record timing! “, Abhinav had stood on his legs at a record time of 30 seconds. The crowd would have been awestruck, but it would have been a tad more of there was anyone else other than Abhinav. Abhinav had been the toast of the nation right from the beginning season XXII of “Pyorrhea tooth powder, Itch guard, Vaseline” Baby’s day out started. He had won the round of drinking a milk bottle with a straw faster than anyone else, pooped in a record amount of diapers and also had a bowl full of cereals filled with spices that even adults would not have. He was the toadie (toddler roadie) that everyone looked up to.
“Great work Abhinav! Now let us see what our esteemed judges have to tell about your success”
The panel was indeed much esteemed. There was “Nanny Kamala” who had 20 years of experience in the field of baby sitting, she had taken care of the celeb babies of 1970’s; also there was “Mother India”, as she was fondly called by the nation. Not because she was Nargis, but she had given birth to a battalion of children who went on to become Toadies season after season.
“So what would you like to say Nanny Kamala Ji about this performance?”
“Well, to describe it in Hindi, actually it was a superb performance, actually basically clearly … “
“Thank you nanny! That was indeed an inspiring message to all pooping toddlers!
“Let us have a chat with Abhinav’s Mom and let her share her views on her son’s performance”
“Well! I always knew he would have a great future. From his childhood, he was very talented and I am sure he would bring more success and glory to our family! Said a proud Abhinav’s Mom.
Abhinav starts crying and this point of time, not for the TRP ratings but due to natural circumstances.
“Now let us have a look at who will get eliminated from this round. On the commode seat this time, we find Aakash and Aditi. One of them would be eliminated from this competition. Let us have a look at the votes!
After receiving no votes, the management came up with a decision.
“Aakash! I am sorry to tell you, that you have been eliminated. I am extremely sorry! Better luck next time!” said an understandably dejected anchor.

End of Recap!
“So hope everyone enjoyed this episode of “Pyorrhea tooth powder, Itch guard, Vaseline” Baby’s day out season no XXII.
Till “Titan” sponsored next time, “fake my trip” sponsored goodbye and have a great evening sponsored by Bun cinemas.
We will leave you with images of the life and times of Aakash in his successful life so far.

Credits roll, along with some eyeballs.

BOOM

IN THE SUIT

The heat is unbearable. The fact that I am inside an ABS (advanced bomb suit) is not helping me too much. People call it the demon suit. It is only now that I can understand the reason behind the nomenclature. The bastards have done it again. In the middle of the hustling streets of Iraq, they have planted one more IED shit. I need to get down to business. It is time to walk into the danger zone.

50 metres into the journey, I feel like I have walked a marathon. Being in a bomb suit does make u weak; imagine walking with a 20 kilo gizmo which blinds you from all the god damn things that are happening on both the sides of you. I wouldn’t be aware even if an asshole points a gun at me from few metres to the right of me. Situational awareness and agility are some stuff which you can only dream of when you are in that fat suit. Anyway, I got cover from Mac, so let me get up there and diffuse that shit.

THE EYES ON THE SUIT

“Yes bhai! The EOD unit is here. The fuckers think they can diffuse this. Ha- ha, “Hussein laughed. He was on the phone with the mystery man.
“Get up there and give me live inputs on this, “said the mystery man.
“Can’t do that bhai! There are snipers watching us. If they see me on the phone at the balcony, I am as dead as a goat in butchery.
“Yeah alright. At least keep looking, and if you sense something, just let me know. “He keeps the receiver down and tells “Ya baby! I will be there in a minute.”
He picks up the phone and says “Ok now listen, keep me updated. Bye,” the mystery man hung up.


THE EFFECT OF A BOMB

I am in the kill zone. The shrapnel that is generated from the bomb can cut my veins off. I need to be careful. These fanatic bastards would have placed booby traps. One wrong step! And you would be history. Getting killed in a bomb blast might sound easy. After all, dying in a matter of few seconds ain’t that tough. However, most of the civilians don’t know jack about bomb deaths. Shrapnel can cause severe fragmentation, the impact of the bomb can cause damage to internal organs and the heat, well the heat generated from the bomb can roast you in a matter of minutes. The point is, you go through all this pain in your conscience. I don’t wanna experience that shit. I ain’t gonna die a dog’s death thousands of miles away from home. I wanna go back to Texas and play ball with my son. So for now, let me go kick some IED butt.

REDEMPTION

“Hasina darling! Go and ask dad to come over here and help me. There is hell a lotta work up here. And your dad is always busy with outside work,“ Hasina’s mom was shrieking. She was irritable for most parts of the day.
Hasina was raised in an affluent Iraqi family. She had been gifted with all the luxuries in her life. However, happiness and peace was something she never was gifted. In fact, entire Iraq had a never ending nightmare which started in the year 2003. Every other day, there were bomb explosions, Sexual assault by American soldiers, extortion and robbery. Hasina was a victim of the atrocities of the American soldiers too. She had been assaulted by American soldiers, and was nearly raped. Thanks to Syed who came at the right time, she was saved.
The soldiers were murdered brutally in the following days. Syed had denied hand in it. But that was so obvious. Even Bush would have known the perpetrator.
Hasina wanted one chance for redemption. She wanted the chance at any cost.
“Dad! Come over. Mom is calling you, “said Hasina.
“Ya baby! I will be there in a minute.”

THE BOMB

“Alright! So this is what you guys have got huh? Doesn’t look huge. I think the ABS can save me from making a one way trip to heaven. There is a reason I say “heaven”. I have diffused 500 IED’s spanning 6 countries and saved innumerable lives. That is why I would be going to heaven.
However, the guy who made this shit is sure going to hell. The explosive device is pretty complex for a home made bomb; I just need to find the initiation system." Thank god that the wires are not wound together in a daisy chain. It would have taken me hours to disconnect it and we would be goners by then, “

WASHING AWAY

“So my wife, what we have got today for lunch. “Said Syed.
“Give me a hand for help. I need you to wash these vegetables, and also the clothes that are piled up in our bedroom, “exclaimed Syed’s wife.
“Sure! Let me wash the vegetables first. Then, we would wash the clothes away, “




THE SYSTEM

“Alright! I got this. The initiation system has to be remote controlled. Hey Mac! Make sure no one is watching. This is gotta be a remote controlled IED.
“Alright buddy! Cut the initiation system man, “
“I am searching buddy. Just give me two minutes. I am cracking this shit, “

“Hello Bhai! I just saw what the fucker is up to. We need to act fast.” Said Hussein.
“Is he nibbling at the initiation system?” asked the mystery man.
“Yes bhai! He is almost there. “
“Shit! Hang up. This will be over in few minutes, “the mystery man hung up.


“Shit. I found the initiation system. I guess this has to be initiated by a......

“Hasina! Can you switch on the washing machine honey? “
“Sure Dad! Any time “

BOOM


Inspired from the “Hurt Locker”

--------------------------------------------THE END-------------------------------------------

RMS Taconic

The year is 2010. A US ship named RMS Taconic departs from the Swedish port of Donso to its final destination of United States of America. 19 year old Rose boards the ship with her Mom “Ruth” and her fiancé Carl. Following the debacle of the recession and the ruination of the “Lehman Brothers”, Rose’s family has no other option but to give the hand of Rose to the American billionaire Carl for pulling themselves out of the quicksand. Rose’s family go through a terrible economic turmoil, making her mom obsessed about the marriage of Rose with Carl. Carl restricts Rose at every point of time; he restricts her from talking to other men in the ship, wearing skimpy clothes which Rose loves. The economic and emotional agony tempts Rose to commit suicide. She attempts to jump off the ship, when Jack intervenes. Jack, a software architect sways Rose to reconsider her “stupid decision” and is successful in it. However when Jack helps her getting back, Carl sees them and mistakes Rose to be in an intimate state with Jack.

Carl accuses Jack of Rape; however Rose comes to the rescue of Jack claiming that Jack saved her life. Carl’s Business Partners and good friends Dave and Brian are suspicious of Jack, and Carl asks them to keep an eye on Jack. Rose develops a good friendship with Jack, she escape from a formal dinner involving the business tycoons of USA, and joins Jack in a software company bash. Rose has a great time boozing, and for the first time in her life, she is independent. She also gets to wear the dresses she always loved. Eventually, her affinity for Jack increases with time. Rose’s mom Ruth learns about Rose’s deepening friendship with jack, and threatens Jack to sack him by making use of Carl’s immaculate influence. Ruth yells at Rose, ordering her not to meet Jack again. But Rose disobeys them and secretly meets Jack. She tells Jack that she has never been happier, and they kiss at the bow of the ship. Rose and Jack move to the ship’s cargo hold. They enter a BMW and make love in the backseat, unaware of the ghastly consequences and the events to occur.

Miles away, the Iceland volcano erupts spewing tons of volcanic ash, engulfing almost entire Europe with the Ash cloud. A flight gets caught in the dense cloud making it blindfold. The flight sucks in the ash leading to disaster. The pilots lose control resulting in the flight plummeting into the ocean. To the shock of the passengers in Taconic, the flight’s wings collide into the body of the ship causing collateral damage to the structure of the ship.

Meanwhile back in the Taconic, Brian snaps Jack, handcuffs him and locks him into the room packed with sophisticated alarms and sensor systems. On the other side, Rose receives a shock from Carl. Carl blackmails Rose that in the case of Rose leaving him, he would release the video of Rose and Jack’s lovemaking which he had captured by making his business partners plant a hidden camera into the BMW. Stunned, Rose has no other option but to seek Jack’s help. She escapes from the eyes of her mom and Carl, and finds jack in the room which is impossible to crack.


However, Jack’s software pedigree comes handy. He instructs Rose to crack the code of the systems and free him. With no time and increasing panic, rose bungles with the job on hand. But fortune favors the couple. With the water seeping into the room, the sensors fail and Jack reunites with rose.

Meanwhile the Taconic is sinking. SOS is sent to the US government, however with the volcanic ash eclipsing any chances of a rescue mission from the USA army. Wireless communication comes to a standstill as volcanic ash disrupts radio communication. Back in the Taconic, Rose and jack are on the mission of escaping the disaster.

They also know that the video has to be retrieved, which is in the hands of Carl, safe in his Flash drive. Carl finds ways to escape in the lifeboat. He finds Rose and forces her to board the boat, however Rose refuses. Carl then claims to help Jack in escaping as well, a half convinced Rose boards the boat. However she jumps off the boat and runs back to Jack. A fuming Carl chases jack & Rose and attempts to shoot them. But he runs short of ammunition and he flees to the rescue boat. He finds the flash drive in his overcoat, and is hell bent on revenge. He takes an oath to release the video into the media and spoilt Rose’s life.

With the ship now vertical, and people dying gruesome deaths, Rose & Jack stay put on the stern of the ship. After a long struggle, the ship finally plummets into the ocean, flushing Jack and Rose into the chilly water.

Rose climbs onto a door, keeping her warm enough to survive. Jack persuades rose to be strong and nothing would happen to him. However, Jack suffers from hypothermia and nearly dies as the rescue workers arrive at the right time. The lifeguards grab jack from the jaws of death, by utilizing a heart lung machine. Rose and Jack are brought back to shore. However, they still are unaware if the whereabouts of Carl who has the flash drive.

They learn later that a lifeboat had sunk following a collision with an iceberg, and Carl was present in the boat. The story ends with Rose finding a note left by Jack for her. He tells her that it was a great experience with her, however a relationship built on two days would not sustain for long, and hence he is going far away. Rose holds the note close to her heart and cries as the screens come down.

THE END

Trivia:

The titanic sunk on April 15 1912. The Iceland volcano erupted on April 15 2010.

The Letter

Respected PM Saab,

Hope you are fine. You are the one who has to act. You are the one who can save our kin. I have heard a lot about you; people say you have done some big studies in the field of numbers and money. People say you are very wise. I have full faith in you, hence I am writing this letter to you. I am sure you would pass on your condolences to my family after reading this letter, but that is not what we want. I have not done any studies Saab; I don’t know how to count. But I have started learning what numbers are. You know Saab, there have been more than 250 suicides in our state of Maharashtra in the last four months, and 2 die every day. I have learnt counting Saab, I should be happy for it, but it hurts me when I see my fellow farmers dying.

I heard some 150 people died in Mumbai last year because of some people who wage war in the name of freedom, I am sorry for those people who lost their dear ones. I also heard the man who caused all the trouble is enjoying in jail. I beg you Saab, please hang him! I heard lot of money is spent on him. Why Saab? Please give us some money instead of spending on animals. Or at least ask the banks to give us some respite. There has been no crop production for 2 years Saab, but these bank “Babus” come knocking at our doors for loans. There is no difference whether we have irrigated lands or not.There is no proper system for dealing with famine. How can I give 1.5 Lakh? Saab, I didn’t have money for buying this non-judicial stamp paper which your government sells for 100 rupees. Even after I die, my family has nothing left for my funeral. I am at least proud that vultures would get a great meal in my district, because we are not getting even one per day.

I have not had a proper meal for months now Saab, my kids cry of hunger. I heard some people play some game in big grounds, and are earning lots of money and are having great food and fun. Please help my children to have at least one meal a day.
Saab, please look into our matter as well. I am too small to be giving you advice, but the tears of the farmers are too precious. More than 200 have gone Saab, and today I would be joining them. Please ask the police not to disturb my family when I am gone. They are not responsible for this. All the big educated people in your side would talk a lot about this; you will also appoint some people for finding out the reason of the suicides. But I am making it easy for you Saab; I have given the reasons on behalf of my fellow farmers. I hope I am the last to be doing this.

I am happy in one way Saab; I am having something for lunch today after a long while. The only thing is they are sleeping pills.
Please take care of your health by eating good food,and also take care of the men who provide that good food.

Yours,
“Kisan”


This piece is inspired from an article in Hindu written by Sainath. The statistics in the article were more disturbing than anything. Let us appreciate each meal that we get from today, because somewhere a child is crying for a single morsel.

Dictionary
Saab - Sir
Babu - Way of Addressing educated people in some parts of India.
Kisan - Farmer

Dull & Duckworth

In the year 2007, the Caribbean hosted a world cup, dull and drab for most parts of it. The only news catching events were the murky death of Bob Woolmer and the events surrounding the disaster.
The ICC event for the ultra short format of the game hasn’t attracted too many to be frank, the inaugural edition being an aberration. The world cup last year in England wasn’t too exciting, especially after the overdose of T20 thanks to the IPL. The Caribbean edition wasn’t going to be great either, as it was launched days after the hectic IPL. The weather would make it even tougher for the tournament to become a success.
This is where the ICC missed the trick. The world cup could have been hosted in Australia or New Zealand, which is a better place for tournaments in this genre. It would have also meant that the tournament would have been spaced out well out of reach of the IPL; however the thought of Ashes must have loomed large in the minds of the organisers. On any day, a test match between England and Australia would catch more eyes than an Afghanistan- Ireland game.
Another area where the ICC needs to put their hands down is the induction of Duckworth Lewis Method in T20 Matches. It is farcical to decide the outcome of matches in three overs. The ICC ought to come up with the better plan to mend things in the shortest format of the game. You wouldn’t want to reach the stage where matches are decided by the flip of the coin.
Barring a few exciting moments, the tournament so far has been a dull and drab event. The super eights might have a different story to tell. Let us look at my pick of the best teams and players of the tournament so far.

India:
They might have lost the title, but India looks all set to clinch the crown yet again. Suresh Raina has been breathtaking and the team bolstered with the maverick “Dhoni” and a bowling line up consisting of Yusuf and Yuvraj best suited for the low and slow tracks of West Indies; the “Men in dark Blue” can walk away with the trophy which they lost in the United Kingdom.

England:
This team has never won any ICC trophy. But England is definitely the dark horse of the tournament. The batting line up looks fresh and players like Kiewswetter, Lumb and Wright form a great balanced team in them. Morgan has been my player of the tournament, his shots are at their innovative best and he has been the only player along with Mahela Jayewardene to mix caution with aggression.

Australia:
The Aussies might have gone empty handed every time the shortest version’s world cup has ended, but never count the Aussies out. They have a great unit this time around; led by the dynamic Clarke Aussies can demolish any team on their day. Watson has been brilliant and their bowling is probably the strongest seam attack with the likes of Johnson, Siddle.


New Zealand:
They have consistently performed well in this format, and the only team which has never lost to the “Mighty India” in the T20 version. Vettori is a master when it comes to containing the batsman, and New Zealand has the right bowlers to suffocate the batsman in the sluggish wickets. Expect another “Nairobi 2000” if the kiwis get going.
The super eight promises to be more exciting for the jaded spectators. Let us hope the rain and Mr Duckworth & Lewis stay away for rest of the tournament.

Master Data Management - Why is it crucial?

In this article, we would be learning the basics of Master data management; why is it so crucial in any enterprise regardless of its size.
In any presentation or article, it is said that don’t leave more than three points to ponder. So, I will concentrate on 3 main points of my article.

1. WHAT IS MASTER DATA?

Master data is the data which seldom changes, or in some cases never changes. There are various forms of Master data.
For some reason, Master data management has always been a neglected field in most industries. Enterprises have huge amount of data, mainly
• Vendor master data
• Customer master data.
All the Master data exists in various systems, in various forms. A vendor Master data exists in different forms in FICO, SCM, SD. This leads to inconsistency of Data.
Master data is also important to complex supply chains or complex processes and heterogeneous IT Landscape. Earlier, Master Data management was more or less manual. But with the increase in complexity of organizations and processes, it became crucial for the enterprises to become aware of MDM.

2. WHY MDM?

arlier, every application could manage its own data storage. The credit goes out to the silos that exist in the company. When the new systems are introduced, it is necessary to make the Master Data reusable.
The problem starts when there is duplication of data. The master data is not only used in one module.
For ex, the same data is used in SAP SD, FICO, BI, XI etc. Also, with the dynamic nature of Companies having mergers and acquisitions. It becomes exceedingly tough to maintain clean master data without redundancy and discrepancy. This is where Master data management comes into play.
Master data management is highly useful in
1) Master Data consolidation.
2) Maintaining data consistency.
3) Centralized MDM
4) Duplicate checks
5) Historicization of Master Data.
Master data can be implemented centrally in an enterprise, and can also be integrated with BI, XI & other SAP modules. In other words, it has extended integration with SAP NetWeaver. The MDM architecture is clearly explained in the book SAP NetWeaver Master Data Management.

3. CONCEPT BEHIND MDM.

Master data management has a whole new concept to eradicate the problem of duplication and redundancy of data. The problem with the Master data is, each record is not uniquely identified and hence the problem occurs. A simple and effective solution to a complex problem.
Master data management links each Master Data record to a unique No called DUNS no. (Dun & Bradstreet No). D & B has a huge database which contains almost every enterprise in its memory.
Each enterprise, its branch and its acquired companies have unique identities, and the master data records in them are matched with the DUNS No. the entire concept behind MDM implementation is really interesting and for more details, catch the book SAP NetWeaver Master Data Management.
Conclusion
Master Data Management is a key area for any enterprise. Companies can’t afford to take it lightly at any cost. The consequences of data inconsistency can be hazardous to the enterprise, and more importantly on its clients. Hence, Companies should be meticulously involved in the optimization of their Global Master Data, and utilize the solution to be able to implement future development in a cost effective and an efficient manner.